Anger and agression, we are asked to look at it as a virtue, as the way to move on. I am fed ip of hearing the ``we want to give something to the uth, something they will like.'' from the mouths of these non-young editors--or maybe they think they are still teenagers among the others, all in touch with what the youth wants. It was ironic that our 50 plus editor tells us all 20 some that we need to be more young and ` hip'.

Thats what that generation is stuck with. The idea that youngsters want easily digestible, light on the head, suger coated pop stuff, or some such. I mean look at the news channels today, you put on one and u are glued, withouta a thought, caught into the blurry of some kindda propaganda....a kind of hypnotic draw that soaps have. Crime tops the chart. It's all about the packaging in the news industry, the content has become secondary and mainstream is after all mainstream...how does it concern a very large poplatio grappling with a whole different set of issues that are left with the NGOs to tackle. They don't concern the mainstream.

News only reflects the face of Urban India..vidarbha has to have a spate of suicides, North East brutal Human rights violations and Nandigram violence for them to find any news space.

Coming back to the point, the world on the whole is becoming a market where you target selectively and for now its the IT, youth, crime ruling the roost.

For the like of us who enter media with some lofty ideas of change or som larger than life thing, are left to realign priorities with the corporate plan to survive the mainstream struggle...or worse write about fashion, food, and like our editor puts it ``pretty young things' on page...therein he says, lies the truth.

A truth created, floated, promoted and assimilated day in and day out in the tabloid and crazy media culture.

boomranged!

well i wish for everyone, that before making the `wrong' decision their assumptions boomrang and come right back with a whole new understanding. To elaborate, when one is stuck in a situation and is very sure that the next best thing will make it all ok..its better to sleep on it...coz something impulsive could be disasterous. Sleep on it then in hindsight seems like a life saviour. SO i decide today as a matter of policy that that'll be step 1 of the process called decision making will be just that.

Lilette Dubey's `Kanyadaan' just reflected our servility to being politically correct and cultured, that we don't express the unreasonable in us, that which detracts from the perception we have of ourselves. And get threatened by what challenges that morality or the way of life we know.
Especially for a country like ours, thats so diverse and segregated still, one understands why marrying into different communities can be such a cause for concern.
Its the basic fear of living. On another plane, a fear of making unconventional choices, a fear of confronting the contrary, fear of gettingto know the Frankenstien within, to give it the air to breathe.
Thats one way of `survival' we choose. That is also why as kids we din't care a damn if running into that wall would break a nose, it was important to run like mad, scream like crazy, smile like a moron, coz mad,crazy and moron hadn't entered our vocabularies. The way back then, seems to me, is the only way forward.

Loneliness is two parts truth and one part mulling over that truth. Thats what everyone, at some age, after endless red eyed nights, are bound to arrive at. So here there was this guy, who sounded pretty pleased with his life at a BPO joint--and almost made it sound like something out of Pleasure Island, and something so out of reach of the other India.
What got me thinking, however, was his statement on why casual sex and promiscuity are almost a need in the industry. Or wait was it trigered by that emotional infidelity discussion on TV. Whatever it was...he tells me that small town India, that finds itself in the metro culture, has absolutely no solace to seek but in a relationship. So even if its infidelity, its a need ``without which you'll go mad.''
Makes sense..there's a huge potential for instant gratifation there, but some serious comfort. Maybe not. If at all, it will be a worthier cousin of grass at max. Theres no answers there.
Coz if i have it figured right, human beings define themselves with this loneliness. They are afraid of it but can't imagine an end to it. Coz the solution in most cases is heavily reliant on another agent, a person or a thing. If it can hug back, then all-the-more better, if it sedates the senses...will do.
So as we grow up, we consciously keep seeking love as a cure for loneliness. That just makes it worse and increases the possibility of deluding oneself that infatuation is love. And from then on, the word takes over, with all its interpretations. Thats another step into the loneliness well.
Well heres a half baked analysis to something thats not worth a thought.

the shadow lines of tolerance is whats keeping it all together
there's no right to release
only a blueprint of a retreat within my head

two tales of the city....containing the greys

As I got off the train at the Yeshwantpur station, there was nothing that kicked up a thought or a picture of what Bangalore would be like. Thats partly because all Indian railway stations feel unbelievably the same, especially by night--they just smell through and through of travel. The tea tastes familiar, the shacks stock the same stuff : magazines, bottled water and biscuits.
Then i was hauled into a taxi by a relative and the cruise through city roads, in hindsight was like entering into the idea of what Bnagalore meant to me then. So selectively i picked up the things that made up this overhyped not-quite-there metro. My very first initiation was two puffs of inhaler...my allergies were triggered, I dint take it as a sign then.

Well not the best of things to start knowing a place. House hunting. Thats the kind of sport you have to play here again and again and you are always the hunted. Why? because no matter how they sell their cribs to you on Ad Mag, they always end up being the overpacked, overpriced PGs that you cannot last in for long. Thats why you'd see why Ad MAg does so well around here.
Well in my case, after imagining myself in all kinds of localities and bunk bed rooms, i finally came across an old bangalore home with the traditional red flooring and some very comforting vibes. Well din't last there long either coz the people factor suddenly came in. No it wasnt the north-south divide...i hadn't entered that territory yet. An old friend from the North of India' moved in and well, that almost sealed my fate at this lonely place. Almost!
Besides a very vapid college routine, spiced up by one no two professors sans any peace of mind, there were always the bus numbers that would always take you to some place u didn't want to go to. But the big relief was that everyone seemed to be on some kind of hapiness pill, i mean not one hassled passenger..of course the virtual `Lakshman Rekha' that no man dared breach did cut the bus in two, that did explain why the men were happy. A few months and I realised that people here are simple and god fearing and they just hate a confrontation, because they hate being rude. Simpy! Thats another expression I picked up here, apart from the `Is it' and the ever handy `had lunch/dinner'. But the conductors and driver, they are a decadent breed around here..which brings me to the traffic part. Well I never really had issues with the traffic scene till i read and read and read about it in papers and then one day I did realise that it actually took me 45 minutes to travel 6 odd kms in a bus. I had a lot of time in hand and no hurry.
As things went by, I found myself writing for a paper here, that brought me in touch with the city lifestyle...whos who, food, literary scene, culture, events and the rock shows...I mean it is quite a thing to experience, only for so long. Then you just churn out sorry copies to justify your existence in the organisation and take home the peanuts. One thing this city gave me--to much attention and too little comfort.